On Father’s Day

My Dearest Papa,

Hugs Hugs Hugs🤗🤗🤗. I am back, with yet another letter on yet another Father’s Day. So first is first. I Missed You, lots and lots. I Love You and think of you every day won’t say it doesn’t hurt anymore, it does, it still does, but see, it’s healing. I am doing good, I know you already know but let me say it and feel the words in my bones “I am doing good”. I get all the help you send me, the gifts too, and the flowers. Yeahhhh, I got those Mogra you used to get for me, they are growing in the plants of our patio and the cake you sent through my cousin on my birthday, I got that too. I got your birthday present also, along with your message to hone my creative writing. I am working on it, I know that you are expecting something great from me this year, I am trying hard to deliver.

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This one reminds me of all the times when I would tell you to take me along on your tours obliviously making you helpless.

I know you have scolded me twice these days for binging on sweets, I am trying to get off them but you I have a weakness for sweets. You know, I am learning so much, trying to use significant words as you did. You remember that time when I was just four or five, that summer you took Mum and me and Uncle to Nainital, and we were strolling down the Mall Road there while I was holding your finger in my fist. Sure you do remember, how often you used to tell me that anecdote of mine when I would leave your hand and walk into any store that had glittering lights and colours and then you had to pick me up so I won’t walk away. You know I remember a li’l bit of that day too. I remember you talking to uncle, and you used a particular word that seemed like a real heavy and tough word to me, I practised it, memorised it, because I wanted to be like you, you were always my hero. That word was “of course”, haha, yeahh, such a simple word but to me, it was no less than Oxford dictionary back then. But now I can even make out what Shashi Tharoor says, haha. I so wish you could see me today, but then, you are always watching over me.

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This one is so you and me Papa, I remember how you used to cover me within a blanket and tell me it’s our cave.

Mumma is better, thank you for that. She dances sometimes; it makes my heart ache with pride. She has a fighters spirit. So much she lost but not once she let her pain reach me and she learned to be on her own. It makes a weight lift off my chest when I see her laugh and dance. Now, she even goes to movies sometimes, and you won’t believe how tech savvy she has become since her new phone. She misses you, she still needs you but what’s sanguine is the fact that she believes in her heart that you are still with us, that’s her strength, it keeps her going. She isn’t even angry at God like me. Papa, sometimes, without a reason, just like you did, she kisses me and loves me, now I don’t need to prompt her to do it, she does it on her own, thank you, Papa.

I won’t say life is a bed of Roses, but it’s not a walk on embers either. There are new wounds on both of us, on our person and our hearts but we stand after each fall, we hold each other securely. Wagon R has got old, and so has your Blackberry, I think they both will have to go. I think we will be selling your office soon. No, not for the money, but just because it’s in a dilapidated condition and it hurts to see it like that. You must be wondering, what’s with the letting go thing. You know after this long time what I realised, I will have to let go off all your materialistic things, tangible things one day, just like I had to let go of your physical presence, but I won’t ever ever ever let go on you, your memories, your values and your love. Yes, I would miss calling it ‘Papa’s car’, ‘Papa’s Phone’, I would miss calling it ‘Papa’s Office’ just like I miss calling you ‘Papa’. I miss all those love names; I miss the pseudo fights, I miss those long conversations and that companionable silence. I miss your footfalls in the corridor and your positivity in my heart.

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This makes me so nostalgic, I can still hear your voice when you had promised me that you are my wall and till you are with me, nothing bad or evil touches me.

There’s so much to say; I am not done yet. But then I can write volumes and tomes to you. I wish this weren’t a one-sided talk; I wish you were here and talking to me right now. I wish Mum had you by her side and I didn’t have to see that shadow of feeling odd one out between couples. I almost get so nostalgic for your voice that it’s unbearable.

You know I didn’t want to grow up. Sometimes I still feel like whining and throwing a tantrum that I want you. I still want to be the unreasonable li’l girl that wanted her father in hard times, bad times, good times, fun times; testing times come what may. The girl who called you up in Chennai and told you to come back home sooner and you humoured her with a beautiful lie by saying Yes. I want to wait for you at the door, checking the time every few minutes and run to you at the sounds of your wheels on the gravel, run like the wind in your arms and not let go. I want to forget everything except the father who didn’t just gave me life but taught me how to live it with my head held high. But, I am proud to say that the li’l girl is a bittersweet memory to me now and this woman writing to you has finally decided to grow up. She’s matured and wants to shoulder her responsibility. Just stay by my side and guide me on the way. You are still my Hero!

Happy Father’s Day Papa! 🌹
I Love You Forever And Ever❤️❤️❤️

Your loving daughter,
Gudiya

PS: You have left everything that was once yours with me but remembers, you still owe me perfume and 2.5 Lacs, and I always have been a good bookkeeper.

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THANK YOU STRANGER FOR THESE WINGS

Candles Online

Dear Diary,

15 years back I had a very comfortable life, my husband was earning well and kids were doing good too. My role was that of a provider to the demands like housewives in our country are expected to do. I always aspired to be a dancer but with marriage, I packed my aspirations in a bag on the way to my new address. And really never got a chance to open up that sealed bag (smiles). Responsibilities piled up so does the monotony and mundaneness of life. At the end of the day, I had this feeling of being hollow from within. But no matter what, I had (still have) this habit of visiting the local library every 15 days. There I met this stranger. She was searching for a book on Indian classical dance. And coincidentally I was reading the same genre. She came to me and…

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I Sense A Presence VII

world4womencom

Sense of being choked to death in her sleep left Sally perplexed. She reached out to the glass of water on her bedside and saw the diary she was reading before she dozed off. Her fingers danced in confusion for a while that whether she should pick up the diary and start from where she has left. After few moments of dilemma she pulled the drawer, put the diary back and picked up aspirin instead as the disturbed sleep left her with a severe headache.

Ward off bad dreams” grunted Sally, tossing in her bed. It was 4 AM, when she finally slept. Four and a half hours later she heard some footsteps pacing up and down the room. It was Henry getting ready for the office. Around 8:30 AM he kissed her forehead and lovingly “Honey have a great day, I am leaving for the office”. Both…

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I Sense A Presence VI

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Sally kept on her excavation to see what else this room hosts. There were more words engraved very minutely. They seemed to be cluster of bees, making it difficult for Sally to read. They were entangled mangle of letters. She could hardly phrase out – mad, free, go. That extra stress on her eyes made her shut down that exercise in the middle.

“Huh” grunted Sally as she shifted her focus to the rest of the room. In her quest she found a very dirty gown and wrapped in it a book, probably a diary. Pages have age written all over them, few were torn, writing was neat to begin with but slowly became more scribbled.

Sally took the diary upstairs and preserved reading for sometime later. In the evening Henry arrived with their guest – Tracy. Sally warmly welcomed her. Tracy was a 38 years old, beautiful looking woman…

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I Sense A Presence V

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The sudden crashing and rattling of crockery and cutlery made Sally hop upwards. As she approached the dining hall, she saw milk spilled all over the floor, broken plates, butchered bread and a whole lot of mess.

“Oh crap! What is this” exclaimed Sally tucking her hair behind her ear. Her eyes searched around the room for the cause of this botched up space but could find nothing but utter silence. As she took few steps towards the table she tripped on the wet flower. And her heart escaped a beat and a shriek let out of her mouth as she saw a pair of shiny eyes, sharp canines resembling to fangs of a demon flashed at her as if mocking her scared plight and zoomed out past the cat window. That was a cat indeed but shocked Sally for a moment. “What a notorious creature!” Sighed Sally and recovered…

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I Sense A Presence IV

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Sally was just looking at the patch that the plumber painted. He told that he found nothing faulty in particular but still he changed the fittings of the water pipes running behind that wall just to be sure that leakage of any kind is checked. The plumber left.

She inched closer towards the wall, touched it and a felt a vibration, more like a short (for a fraction of nano seconds) spell of electric shock. She snapped her fingers back still looking at wall but was soon distracted by her ringing phone. It was Henry calling.

“Hey Honey will be late tonight, got one really important meeting cropped up at a short notice. See you in the night, don’t wait for me over dinner, Love you, bye” and Henry hung up.

Sally disconnected the call with a wry smile. She in fact felt disconnected from her self since the demise…

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I Sense A Presence III

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Loss of her father left Sally devastated. It took her months to be convinced to set herself out in the open air again. Her marriage with Henry was stalled momentarily, it was a mutual decision though. That gruesome incident left Sally so shocked, absorbed by anxiety. Fear was her new constant companion. She feared slightest breeze that ruffled past her ears. Shadows loomed large for her where as softest tinkling of the bells too echoed quite eloquently. It was a chaos. Henry had to intervene and started sessions with a therapist. Sessions rolled but the effect was not as huge as envisaged.

Henry had to persuade her to move in together to a new place for change of the scenery, distance from the gore that house has witnessed could possibly be a last resort to help Sally. And then Henry chose this exquisitely beautiful house for his lady love in…

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I Sense A Presence – II

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As Sally and Henry reached their bedroom, Sally was on verge of a breakdown. Her anxiety won’t let her sleep. The face won’t leave her mind for once. With her knees driven closer to her chin, to and fro she was rocking restlessly.

Henry “Darling get a hold of yourself. I told you it’s nothing. Come on stop overthinking and take this” handed her a tranquilizer, something which is she habituated to on and off since a year post a traumatic incident that left her memories and mind scarred.

“Oh dear I don’t want you to treck down those bloody trails again. You have to trend your path out of it. Hold my hand, l will see you out of it” Henry murmured softly caressing Sally’s hair sitting near her head rest as she slowly slipped off into deep slumber.

Henry and Sally met each other two years ago at…

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I Sense A Presence

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Sally moved to her new house with Henry. Constructed in 1920s the house is as old as Darwin’s theory of survival. Yet the bewitching beauty it had was uncanny. A beautiful lawn, French windows with juliet balconies, spacious and luminous interiors, staircase inside the house running from the dining area to the bedrooms, antique fireplace and everything mesmerising. And the best part of the deal was of course the price. The previous owners were in a haste to sell and the new ones didn’t mind it.

They moved in, they were settling in. Amidst the everything beautiful Sally discovered a dilapidated patch in the kitchen. “How I missed this earlier” she wondered. And as she gave it a prolonged gaze it appeared as a human face. For next so many days whenever Sally entered the kitchen she would inadvertently turn to look at the patch. It appeared to be growing…

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