On Father’s Day

Daily Journal

My Dearest Papa,

Hugs Hugs Hugs🤗🤗🤗. I am back, with yet another letter on yet another Father’s Day. So first is first. I Missed You, lots and lots. I Love You and think of you every day won’t say it doesn’t hurt anymore, it does, it still does, but see, it’s healing. I am doing good, I know you already know but let me say it and feel the words in my bones “I am doing good”. I get all the help you send me, the gifts too, and the flowers. Yeahhhh, I got those Mogra you used to get for me, they are growing in the plants of our patio and the cake you sent through my cousin on my birthday, I got that too. I got your birthday present also, along with your message to hone my creative writing. I am working on it, I know that you are expecting something great from me this year, I am trying hard to deliver.

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This one reminds me of all the times when I would tell you to take me along on your tours obliviously making you helpless.

I know you have scolded me twice these days for binging on sweets, I am trying to get off them but you I have a weakness for sweets. You know, I am learning so much, trying to use significant words as you did. You remember that time when I was just four or five, that summer you took Mum and me and Uncle to Nainital, and we were strolling down the Mall Road there while I was holding your finger in my fist. Sure you do remember, how often you used to tell me that anecdote of mine when I would leave your hand and walk into any store that had glittering lights and colours and then you had to pick me up so I won’t walk away. You know I remember a li’l bit of that day too. I remember you talking to uncle, and you used a particular word that seemed like a real heavy and tough word to me, I practised it, memorised it, because I wanted to be like you, you were always my hero. That word was “of course”, haha, yeahh, such a simple word but to me, it was no less than Oxford dictionary back then. But now I can even make out what Shashi Tharoor says, haha. I so wish you could see me today, but then, you are always watching over me.

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This one is so you and me Papa, I remember how you used to cover me within a blanket and tell me it’s our cave.

Mumma is better, thank you for that. She dances sometimes; it makes my heart ache with pride. She has a fighters spirit. So much she lost but not once she let her pain reach me and she learned to be on her own. It makes a weight lift off my chest when I see her laugh and dance. Now, she even goes to movies sometimes, and you won’t believe how tech savvy she has become since her new phone. She misses you, she still needs you but what’s sanguine is the fact that she believes in her heart that you are still with us, that’s her strength, it keeps her going. She isn’t even angry at God like me. Papa, sometimes, without a reason, just like you did, she kisses me and loves me, now I don’t need to prompt her to do it, she does it on her own, thank you, Papa.

I won’t say life is a bed of Roses, but it’s not a walk on embers either. There are new wounds on both of us, on our person and our hearts but we stand after each fall, we hold each other securely. Wagon R has got old, and so has your Blackberry, I think they both will have to go. I think we will be selling your office soon. No, not for the money, but just because it’s in a dilapidated condition and it hurts to see it like that. You must be wondering, what’s with the letting go thing. You know after this long time what I realised, I will have to let go off all your materialistic things, tangible things one day, just like I had to let go of your physical presence, but I won’t ever ever ever let go on you, your memories, your values and your love. Yes, I would miss calling it ‘Papa’s car’, ‘Papa’s Phone’, I would miss calling it ‘Papa’s Office’ just like I miss calling you ‘Papa’. I miss all those love names; I miss the pseudo fights, I miss those long conversations and that companionable silence. I miss your footfalls in the corridor and your positivity in my heart.

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This makes me so nostalgic, I can still hear your voice when you had promised me that you are my wall and till you are with me, nothing bad or evil touches me.

There’s so much to say; I am not done yet. But then I can write volumes and tomes to you. I wish this weren’t a one-sided talk; I wish you were here and talking to me right now. I wish Mum had you by her side and I didn’t have to see that shadow of feeling odd one out between couples. I almost get so nostalgic for your voice that it’s unbearable.

You know I didn’t want to grow up. Sometimes I still feel like whining and throwing a tantrum that I want you. I still want to be the unreasonable li’l girl that wanted her father in hard times, bad times, good times, fun times; testing times come what may. The girl who called you up in Chennai and told you to come back home sooner and you humoured her with a beautiful lie by saying Yes. I want to wait for you at the door, checking the time every few minutes and run to you at the sounds of your wheels on the gravel, run like the wind in your arms and not let go. I want to forget everything except the father who didn’t just gave me life but taught me how to live it with my head held high. But, I am proud to say that the li’l girl is a bittersweet memory to me now and this woman writing to you has finally decided to grow up. She’s matured and wants to shoulder her responsibility. Just stay by my side and guide me on the way. You are still my Hero!

Happy Father’s Day Papa! 🌹
I Love You Forever And Ever❤️❤️❤️

Your loving daughter,
Gudiya

PS: You have left everything that was once yours with me but remembers, you still owe me perfume and 2.5 Lacs, and I always have been a good bookkeeper.

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I Sense A Presence III

Daily Journal

world4womencom

Loss of her father left Sally devastated. It took her months to be convinced to set herself out in the open air again. Her marriage with Henry was stalled momentarily, it was a mutual decision though. That gruesome incident left Sally so shocked, absorbed by anxiety. Fear was her new constant companion. She feared slightest breeze that ruffled past her ears. Shadows loomed large for her where as softest tinkling of the bells too echoed quite eloquently. It was a chaos. Henry had to intervene and started sessions with a therapist. Sessions rolled but the effect was not as huge as envisaged.

Henry had to persuade her to move in together to a new place for change of the scenery, distance from the gore that house has witnessed could possibly be a last resort to help Sally. And then Henry chose this exquisitely beautiful house for his lady love in…

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I Sense A Presence – II

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world4womencom

As Sally and Henry reached their bedroom, Sally was on verge of a breakdown. Her anxiety won’t let her sleep. The face won’t leave her mind for once. With her knees driven closer to her chin, to and fro she was rocking restlessly.

Henry “Darling get a hold of yourself. I told you it’s nothing. Come on stop overthinking and take this” handed her a tranquilizer, something which is she habituated to on and off since a year post a traumatic incident that left her memories and mind scarred.

“Oh dear I don’t want you to treck down those bloody trails again. You have to trend your path out of it. Hold my hand, l will see you out of it” Henry murmured softly caressing Sally’s hair sitting near her head rest as she slowly slipped off into deep slumber.

Henry and Sally met each other two years ago at…

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I Sense A Presence

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world4womencom

Sally moved to her new house with Henry. Constructed in 1920s the house is as old as Darwin’s theory of survival. Yet the bewitching beauty it had was uncanny. A beautiful lawn, French windows with juliet balconies, spacious and luminous interiors, staircase inside the house running from the dining area to the bedrooms, antique fireplace and everything mesmerising. And the best part of the deal was of course the price. The previous owners were in a haste to sell and the new ones didn’t mind it.

They moved in, they were settling in. Amidst the everything beautiful Sally discovered a dilapidated patch in the kitchen. “How I missed this earlier” she wondered. And as she gave it a prolonged gaze it appeared as a human face. For next so many days whenever Sally entered the kitchen she would inadvertently turn to look at the patch. It appeared to be growing…

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Let’s Talk Some Economics

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world4womencom

Article originally posted on Candles Online

What does “work from home” mean to different parties? For the one who is working it means no grooming required, pajamas would do for days on a trot, spreadsheets sharing screen space with prime or Netflix – basically, more about comfort, isn’t it? But can the same be said about the housewife who always works at and for a home? Nope or might not be. It could mean no time to let hair down at all. Aged Parents think “since you are at home why can’t you spare time, why are you on the screen all the time, you don’t talk to us“. So it’s different for everyone. “Work from home” has it’s own pros and cons varying from perspective to perspective.

So thinking about the “work from home Vs work from office” debate I stumbled on a thought “

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If I Can Trade My Words…

Daily Journal

Candles Online

“If I can trade my words I would invest them in your smile”

That’s pretty much cheesy, right out of a popcorn romantic flick, isn’t it? Don’t blame me, I am currently watching way too many Disney movies – Prince, Princess, Love story, perfect fairy tales. They not only entertain me but a perfect recipe to cheer me up. Apart from that my phone’s gallery is my hideout. Binge eating, unforeseen shopping (apart from groceries 😜) are more or less commoners in the world of “let me cheer you” force.

But it is undeniable that no matter how much ammunition one has to ward off shadows of gloom, a strong shoulder to lean on and an empathetic & soothing word is still an unmatched comfort. We can falter and crumble at some point, all while throwing around a charade of being strong. We do need someone to ask and say…

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Let The Seed Of Beleif Yield Fruits Of Wisdom

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world4womencom

Few months back I got a packet of carrot seeds and sown them in my garden. Days turned into weeks but no result. Instead unwanted weeds cropped up all around. I pacified myself thinking may be the soil isn’t of good quality or the seeds aren’t supreme. Yet kept checking. Meanwhile in a small pot I scattered few tomato seeds and surprisingly saplings did crop up in no time. What made the difference? In the first case I buried (literally) the seeds quite deep making it hard for the feeble saplings to make it to the surface. On the contrary I sowed the tomato seeds quite close to the surface and covered them with a thin layer of soil. Keeping the soil loose let the seeds breathe easy and develop well.

What struck me actually? Not the principles of Horticulture but a valuable lesson that those tiny particles have taught…

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An End To The Enigma Of Life

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world4womencom

Picture credit: Google Images

Originally Posted On Candles Online:

I kept wandering in the pursuit of happiness that never had any definitey.

I was surrounded by the maddening chatter of desires that robbed me of my serenity.

I kept looking for flaws in others to prove my superiority.

I was an obnoxious, boisterous trumpet busy in singing laurels in self-praise, deprived of humility.

I invested myself to the extent of immersion in the worldly ties that costed me my sobriety.

I propelled higher in the skies of baseless egos and crude pride that I lost connection with the reality.

I was absorbed by the frivolous vanity of material charms that left me with insanity.

I let my greed take over my senses and I became nefarious and lost even my humanity leave aside divinity.

I was flowing with the directionless wind until I encountered – Failure, Old Age, Illness &…

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