Moody! I am so god damn moody, it changes sooner than my clothes. It is extreme to the level that I can say I eat each of the three meals a day in a different Mood.
Some people are more perceptible to my mood swings and discern me well ahead of time. I have self-diagnosed myself many times to know if I am bipolar, but the answer is No, I am not Bipolar, I am just plain, simple, run of the mill Moody.
Some people just manage me well when I am having one mood that is more cross and doleful. I amaze myself with the kaleidoscope of moods I can go through in a short time. I can be amused and then calm and then cheerful and then depressed and then Euphoric. And there are some more from flirty, irritated, mad, loving, mellowed, restless, sad, sympathetic and weird too.
I would ask my mother to make me a sweet dish and then reject it when placed in front of me, and then I will ask for something tangy. Poor her will make me juice and find me eating the sweet dish she made. I will pick out a long skirt for the day but after bath decides to wear jeans instead. It is not like I am indecisive, I am very moody. And I am a slave to those moods as well.
Like right now, I am writing this article, and when I started it I was so much in a mood to write something rocking, but now I am very inclined to abandon this post and go and read a book. I am learning to control them as they often hamper my growth as a writer, I have to keep myself progressive and ignore the voice in my head telling me to change my mind.
Being moody often seems like a very coveted attribute, but if you ask me, it is real troublesome. It damages your image real bad as you are always told that your decisions are not worth consideration as no one knows when you will change your mind as per your mood.
I will be sitting Quilling a flower and suddenly feel like I want to do it no more, then decide to go watch a movie. Will be sitting in the cinema hall and half way through it, my mood will change, and I would leave the picture hall and go to the park and sit there. People often tell me that they feel they are talking to a different person each time they have a conversation with me. It really doesn’t feel right or extraordinary, it feels so inconsistent, as in my heart I am the same person, just my way of interacting differs.
Owning to this I also see people behaving differently to me, as they change their outlook and attitude towards me, leaving me baffled. I met my best friend they another day, and I heard myself sounding so formal when I chatted with her, I was questioning my behaviour, why do I sound so different when I totally love her and look forward to meeting her, and when I have this question then she must be thinking even worse about me, and that say ended badly as she left with a perfunctory talk and with a humble goodbye. I scolded myself mentally to be more amiable, but my mind told me you were friendly just your mood was not very good and cordial right now.
I love kids, I absolutely adore my little nieces and nephews. So recently I begged my cousin to come over with her one-year-old daughter who loves me so much. But to my horror, my mood changed that very morning to be in solitude. She came as per plans and I tried to be good, to play with the kiddo, to coax her and cuddle her, but unfortunately despite my repeated attempts to control my mood I was looking for some lonely moments. To my dismay that very day the baby too decided to be more cranky, and like they say kids come to know everything, she came to know that I am not aligning well to her and sensed my aloofness and cried more. The day ended with me shouting at a one-year-old baby, her mother scolded her that do not trouble Maasi and left me earlier than usual with an expression of being hurt, though she never said that. I felt so ashamed that day that I am not incapable of controlling my moods.
At times I feel it would be so good if like chat, while everyday routine too, an Emoticon or Emoji would flash in a thought cloud, letting all know this is my status update of the hour. Well, that was that. If not that then at the least I learn to cover up my moods with plastic expressions to let others feel comfortable around me. I just hope someday I can learn to pilot my moods and steer them in the direction I want to.