The canopy of the Yellow Be Still Tree flowers was spread out over her as she lay under it with a book in her hand and a straw hat on her face. Her shoes were lying in a heap next to her, and the Yellow five petal flowers from the tree were strewn around her on the lush grass as she removed the hat and squinted her eyes to check the time on her wristwatch. It was a breezy afternoon, and the tree swayed in the wind like a lone dancer moving to a favourite rhythm. Frowning to see the time she sat up and looked up at the sunlight that filtered through the leaves and made a latticework pattern over her. Picking up a fallen bloom she sniffed it, no smell whatsoever. She twisted it between her thumb and forefinger like a Pinwheel, watching it’s petals blur as they spiralled. A smile played on her lips.
Her eyes were fixed on the book, she bent and picked it up. Flipping the pages of the Khaled Hosseini novel, she retrieved a small envelope from its leaves. She removed a folded letter from the envelope and opened it with care. The paper was delicate and seemed like it had been smoothed back after being crushed hard. She placed the letter on her knees and smoothened it out once more, lovingly she did it. The handwriting was slanting and curvy. The T’s and F’s were made exquisitely, and written with a fountain pen. She ran her hand on the paper and kissed the paper as if it were a Bible. Her fingers trembled as she held it up close to her eyes, she wanted to read it one more time, but her eyes, damn her eyes, why were they all blurry. She closed her eyes in desperation, and two fat tear drops fell on the letter, where the sender’s name was signed, making the ink run.
Dear Leah,
I Love you and will keep doing so. You will be a part of my soul, but you can’t be a part of my life. You know why You know I am not Infidel, you see I am bound. Of all the letters I have ever written you, this is toughest one. Never thought one day I will be writing it. Time has rusted our once Perfect relationship. You know how manyTiffs we had, how may reconciliations. When you find this letter, I would be gone, my bags are packed as I write this, I have emptied the drawers as well. I packed it all.
What I haven’t packed are all the rainy days with you, the nights wrapped with you. Some more stuff is there as well. One Autumn, some dried leaves from our garden. Get rid of them for me. One umbrella, with us two under it, I am taking half rain with me, but a damp shirt is still with you, send that. 16 full moon nights and few fake promises, some mock teasing, pack all. Just bury them all, cremate them all for me, I couldn’t muster that much courage.
My last goodbye for you. I Love You……
Carl
She was blinded with tears by the time she read his name, it was wet with her tears. She folded the letter and placed it back in the envelope and kept the envelope in the book before shutting the book close. While standing up she bent down to gather some Yellow Lucky Nut flowers, the tree had many names. They had both spent countless evenings under it. A smile played on her lips as she thought about the time she had told him she will eat its flowers and he had promised her that it will never be needed as he would never leave her. Walking up to the house she picked each flower one by one and ate its petals, one by one she ate them and by the time she was back inside her cottage all the flowers were gone. All the stuff he left behind needed to be buried, just like he told her to. It can go to the grave with her. After all, the tree had one more name, Suicide Tree.
Today, a year has passed since my last birthday. Yes, you guessed it right, today on January 20th is my birthday. So today I want to tell something to my younger self from the year 2016, she needs a letter from me. Actually, I have two letters.
Dear Sakhi,
Life is an all time low. You are worried sick about mum’s health. You are missing papa badly. I know your pain, I went through it. I wouldn’t tell you that you stayed stationary while everyone else moved on. I won’t tell you that you worry too much. I won’t ask you to move on. I know how many times you already heard all this. I know you are much stronger and much improved since yourself from 2012, 20th January. I love you, it was a very tough journey you made. I have counted all your tears, and I know as you read this letter you won’t trust it’s from a future you. I sound too cheerful to believe. But this is the very purpose I am writing this letter. You need to know.
You need to know that life will get better as this year passes. You will have friends on next birthday, yes friends. Don’t look so disinterested, and don’t roll eyes, I know you are a real pessimist but you need to listen. By this time next year, you will have unconditional love, undying friendship, passion for writing, goal to achieve, resolution to fulfil, books to write, a blog to run, a name in writers community, a small space for yourself among legends and you will live happily. Don’t be so surprised my love, I am not like the astrologers papa consulted, who made so many promises but all in vain. Wipe those tears and let me hug you real tight. Let me kiss you endlessly.
The thing you need to know is that you will find everything you need. Not a penny less, not a penny more. That the magic you are waiting to happen, will happen, just you won’t see the magician with a wand in his hand. Papa will lead you to great things baby. He will guide you every step. Mum will be fine, she has nothing, no scary diseases. You will happy, she will be glad for you. And you will find a wizard who will weave all your dreams in a fabric and adorn you with it. You will find someone you have always wanted, to share ever pain with, to hear it all out, to give you a million smiles. He will be there to cherish you and value you. And there is some surprise there too. Just don’t look too hard, let your heart be your guide and never think twice. You will find people who will lead happiness to you. You don’t even need to try.
I know you are so weary and so tired of playing games, of making flowers from quilling, but just hang in there. I know you are thinking of birthdays that were celebrated with papa, but you and me, however we cry, Papa, can’t come in that same form. But know that he never left us either, he was with you, he is with me, he will be with us. Don’t let yourself go into that darkness, I know it’s beckoning you, I know it’s calling you. Just know that you do have a future. Stay. Be sane. Be safe. And I will always love you, you will have me, come what may. Happy Birthday to you !
With love,
Sakhi
😊
PS: Stop hating doctors. And yes, mum is doing great to put all the cash in bank, trust her. 😋
My second letter
A letter to my older self, from 20th of January 2018
Dear Sakhi,
Hello, how are you ? Hope you are doing great. I am looking forward to meet you already. You know I am writing this you on your last birthday. How is mum ? Have you got made Chinese once again ? That would be a hat-trick. I know you love Chinese. How is your bronchitis and allergies ? RG must be a banker by now ? You met him ? Or has he given up on you ? Sri must be doing MD, what hospital he got into ? It must have been thrilling when he did it. I know how much you missed him. He is still around, right ? C.P. Must be still the same helpful and jovial godfather to you. Tell me he is better too, I do wanna hear that. Too many questions, but I am so thrilled and eager. You know me, bipolar, too happy or too sad. But I have improved. Hope you are even better.
So finished your first book? I think you planned some 32 to 35 chapters. You are too lazy, I hope it’s not eating dust somewhere. And what happened to epic, tell me? To Arjan and to Nakshatra and to Vidyut and Kaya? Don’t tell me, which ones dead? I loved them all, my characters. How is Shubhi doing? And Abhi? Are they with you right now? Give my love to them all. And Hey! Tell me about the blog, how is it going? You must have done wonders by now. How many followers you have? And how many posts you made? Last time I knew your agenda was once per day. But you are crazy enough to make it two or three. You were always stubborn and determined. And still quilling sometimes? What became of dance? I bet you haven’t changed One Plus Three, mum will kill you.
How are Ram and Noorie, stop beating him yaar. Are you happy? Don’t let me know you are sad. I know you are being nostalgic. I know you well girl. You hate separation, goodbye, parting. I know you are missing papa. Heard his voice recording today. Hope no termites showed up again. Munmun must still be eating Paneer daily. Chachi, Akanksha, Guddu, all fine na ? Any news if you becoming an aunt yet ? Hahahaha, inside joke I know. Don’t be angry yaar. You know me na. You remember 2016, good year it was, tell me how was 2017 ? Write all the answers in a letter and send it to me. Chacha must be retired now ? And Mama, still here or gone back home ? Remember what great Gajar Halwa he brought.
I love you, I wish you to be happier than I am. A tight hug and lots of kisses from me. Don’t cry, if things aren’t so good, don’t cry, it will be better again. Remember, what papa used to say, “life comes in a full circle”. I give you all my good wishes and all my hope and all my blessings and all my love. I want you to have everything. I want you to be love and be loved. I want you to be healthy, hail and hearty. I want you to be celebrating this birthday with all your friends, more than I have. I want you to have a great party. Just know that I love you already, just know papa hasn’t left you, just know mum loves you no less.
With love
Sakhi
😊
PS: I was planning to invest some money in share market, will it be good?
She was sitting in front of the mirror, setting her hair. She was dressed and ready, Her makeup was perfect with just the right amount of lipstick, making her lips look a Rosy Pink, the eyeliner was making her eyes look mystical and dark. Her hair was set in a high bun over her head, exposing her long delicate neck and slender shoulders. The gown she was worn was black, littered with Swarovski. It shimmered as she moved, catching light. Not a single piece of jewellery was adorning her form. She dusted her collar bones with her Poison perfume. The scent was enough to drive the toughest man to go insane with just a single whiff. She picked up the Invitation card once again. It was a scroll, done in gold and purple. It oozed richness and class. She unrolled it once again to read it. It was handwritten, the slanting handwriting was a scrolled in a straight line. She could tell the man had a taste. It was written in ink pen on recycled paper, not the gel pens and hotel writing pads she used.
“Bonjour Mademoiselle,
I am a man unknown to you but you are not new to me. I have known you from many lifetimes. I have been near you countless times, but never let you feel my presence. This deception is my armour, not my shield. I have nothing to hide from you, but not yet. You will know me, the man behind this facade. I will be at the Masquerade Ball tonight, come, join me, and see the face behind the Mask. You are a mystery to me. I wanna unravel you. I am cordially inviting you to end my subterfuge and let me step out of the darkness into the light. All you need to do is decide to favour me with your divine presence. I promise, no more games, no more tricks. this is my final act.
Looking forward to seeing you tonight. A kiss on my lady’s hand. I have sent you a Mask as well, you are free to hide behind it, till you decide to show yourself. I like to play fair.
Venue: Ritz, Paris Time: 19:00
Your Secret Admirer
PS: I would be delighted if the lady comes wearing black.”
She rolled back the letter and looked at herself in the mirror. There was a mask in the box, she lifted it and freed it from its bindings. It was done in black and purple satin. She is going to meet this man, With determination in her eyes she wore the black mask and set out to Ritz.
Anuj – the most decent, well-read, efficient employee in the office. His efficiency as an employee and decency as a man is known to everyone, but no one had a hint of knowledge he beholds or the talent that dwells in him. Because he is an introvert, never speaks much, never lets opinion escape his lips unless official and teenager. That is the possible reason he is taken for granted sometimes by his peers (the world appreciates things at face value rather than true value😔).
As his days were passing in monotony which he was oblivious to, enters Anjali, a new employee in the office. Vivacious is one word that defines her. Always full of life she could turn dull conversations into lively moments. An extrovert knows the art of tact to put forth her opinion, and she was thus liked by one and all. And her beauty was just an icing on the cake, that made her more likeable, lovable, enviable ( for some).
When Anuj saw Anjali for the first time, he was dumbstruck by her beauty, and it never happened to him before. And he was not different from the rest this time as he took an instant liking to her. Their conversations were begun, though initially, they were more or less strictly official thanks to Anuj’s introvert nature that held him back from having spontaneous ones. Gradually their chats were about things other than targets and strategies. It took no time for him to realise that her beauty is more than what meets the eye. Her thoughts and opinions gave an insight into a mature woman who had vivacity of a teen-ager, and that makes her someone special.
He was drawn towards her. To be precise, he was in love with her.
“Why don’t you confess your love to her before it’s too late? Till how long you would gaze at her with fear of being caught? And for how long you are going to suffocate yourself with the tussle between your emotion and logic (read heart and brain) if this is it or not? Just go and take the plunge” and suddenly he woke from his dream as his alarm clock was cooing in his ears. “Oh! It was just my dream; my inner-self spoke to me; I was so worried that someone sniffed my feeling for her” he let a sigh escape and got up to get ready for the day. But his dream made him uncomfortable throughout the day. His mind was entangled between the questions – shall I or I shall not. “What if she doesn’t reciprocate my emotions and reject my proposal, I might end up losing her company” he was worried. He unknowingly inculcated a sense of inferiority complex that he is no match for her. Days turned weeks and gradually a year passed before he could muster enough courage to express his love for her and decided that words on paper would do this job for him. He decided to write a letter, a love letter to her.
Dear Anjali,
I don’t have a poetic flair to articulate my words to impress you with their charm. But I am sure that each and every word would speak volumes about my love for you. You are the best thing that happened to me for the first time and definitely the last one. I wake up every morning with a hope to see you, I spend every minute with a wish to get an opportunity to be face to face with you and talk to you, and I go to bed at the end of the day with the happiness of meeting you in my dreams later. You and only you are the reason for happiness all around and in me. I really love you and want to spend rest of my life with you. Waiting for your reply till eternity”.
And he posted the letter personally in an envelope without mentioning the From address in the letter box of her hostel as he knew that she stays in a working woman’s hostel.
Now after taking that giant decision of announcing his love to her, the wait for her reply made him even more anxious. Her absence for two days from office and his phone logs added to his misery. He could not think of anything else but her reaction and response.
Two days later Anjali came to office with her usual accessory – her beautiful smile. She greeted everyone and slowly advancing towards Anuj’s work station. His heart was pounding. That space of few seconds before she made it to his station numerous questions danced in his mind. “What’s her state of mind?”, “What would be her reply?”, ” What if she rejects me?” And as he was lost in his thoughts a knock on the table shook him and brought him back to his senses in a dilemma was her. She wished him just the way she used to, nothing has changed. That left him in dilemma “what she is up to” he questioned himself.
And his confusion maintained for next two months for she never expressed her feelings. Neither confession nor denial. Even the texts that she exchanged on the phone with him friends jokes on WhatsApp but nothing concrete. Anuj wanted to wait till she opens up. This was getting on his nerves. And suddenly one day an unexpected shock awaited him. She handed him an envelope that had her wedding invitation.
His heart sank, sight blurred by tears, the world around him came to a standstill. Loss of words and loss of thoughts. Then he decided to question her though he knew that it’s too late and might not be of any use now. He saw her going towards the cafeteria, so he dashed off his way to the cafeteria. There he saw her having lunch with one of her friend. Therefore he seated himself on a table next to her’s and overheard their conversation, unintended though.
Friend: Can’t wait to see at your wedding. Rest assured I am sure you would look stunning and break many hearts on your D-Day. That reminds of the letter you were talking about that you received two months back, may I know who did it, I mean wrote it?
Maybe Anuj’s attention instantly.
Anjali: Correction! That was a love letter. I still don’t know who was behind that, may be a prank. If a person loves wholeheartedly, then he should not refrain from mentioning his name, and that was missing from that letter. How can I trust that to be love?
That was a shocking revelation for Anuj. All his efforts were futile, and his love doesn’t know about his love. How is this possible, he pondered over that question. He realised that possibly he could have missed signing the letter and sat there regretting his carelessness or we can say anxiety probably for the rest of his life.
Moral of the story: An email definitely could have made the difference as it would have the address that makes tracking easy. Be tech updated guys😉
Since I understand your undying, unconditional love for me and I can’t see you suffering for my benefits I would like to propose an idea. I don’t want “Hike”. How about an I-phone 7 or a family package of paid holiday (offshore) every six months or anything equivalent every year. Or even better (from family’s perspective): if either education expenses or medical expenses are being taken care of I don’t want “Hike”.
This is for everyone who has a boss, who has an appraisal system and awaits a hike and gets it too but only to leave more astonishment behind.
Dear Boss,
I am writing to let you know how much I respect you. You are the reason behind my fitness. You may be amused to know and want to know how. Simple, because you make sure my chase for my dreams never ends which means more you run more you loose and stay fit! And I am loosing a lot! You are the reason behind my peaceful life. You might be wondering how. Because by the time I reach home television starts showcasing tele-shopping products and at that hour there would be no one around to talk. Less talks, lesser arguments, least number of fights. Family life is “piece”ful. Thank you again. You are the reason behind my popularity on…
I am writing this letter to you and writing just because I need to pen down my feelings; I need to let my thoughts on paper, or they claw me from inside. You are sacred to me Papa. I can never have a better god. A religion where You and I, we both are dedicated to each other. You have now left that body, the body I learned to love all my life. The hands that caresses my hair, wiped my tears, held me in my times of need, embraced me to shower immense love, fed me when my hand was broken, even tied my shoe laces before school every morning, wish I could hold them once again and hide my face in your palms like old times. There was never a better touch than your loving caress. I learned to cherish your eyes, that saw me as the perfect daughter; I was beautiful even with acne and pimples to your eyes.
The eyes I miss so much, so many tears I saw in them, that would well up at my slighted wound, be it to my body or heart. I wish to look into your eyes once again and kiss them; they are my two worlds. I miss your shoulders you know, on which I could rest my head and feel like all the pain washed away, in them I would hide from all the world and you would let none see me, harm me. I am still hallowed by your voice; that is still echoing in my voice, solemnly living in my soul. I miss the laughter in your voice and the way you scolded me in front of mum, just for the heck of it, My Goodness, so fake it used to be and made us conspirators against her. I so want to hear that voice once again papa; I so want to have that one more talk. I so want to hug you and hug you so bad.
You called me pious, after you, no one thought I am pious, you called me Angel, I have never felt like one after you. You made me your religion and your sanctuary, I have lost my god with you, never again my heart found peace. I touch your glasses and try to find your eyes behind them, but it’s just plastic, I kiss your watch wanting to feel your wrist in it, but no, it’s just metal. Your perfume bottle is till secure with me, and you know, I spray it sometimes, just in my room and close my eyes, trying to imagine that you are here, and for a moment, just for the time being, I fabricate you from pieces and feel your presence.
Why am I drafting this letter, I don’t know, but what I do know is it will reach you, I want to say so many things Papa, I am so desperate for you sometimes, just that one phone call. You remember how many times you told me that Papa is just a phone call away, Oh why then I can’t reach you on your number. I still have it, I call it sometimes, and despite all my wisdom your little girl who lives in me says “Pick Up”, haha, wasn’t I always a little foolish Papa ? I still remember the day of that Earthquake, you remember I was scared, and you told me, that you would shield me but let no harm come to me, I so miss my shield. You know I eat the things you loved, even lot of green chillies, thinking that you live in me somewhere and I might feel satiated by doing all this. Why Papa, why is body temporary when we are taught to love it for years upon years.
You know numerous times I have seen Mum miss you, but she never shows, she hides her pain from me, Yet I am her daughter and can see through her fake smiles, the unshed tears. Let me confess; I have not been the best daughter to her. I have not even taken care of her like you used to do, in fact, she is the one who took care of me all this time. I was always partial to you, always loved you more, I haven’t done justice to the woman who gave me this life and nurtured me within her body for nine while months, and has been nurturing me ever since. She is a pillar of strength Papa, you won’t know how bravely she held things together, I am very ungrateful to her you know, but you always knew. We still fight a lot you know, the only difference is that now we patch up on our own since we are aware you won’t come to mediate. I am sorry as I didn’t even keep the promise I gave to you on your last evening with me. It is a tough task you left me; I am so sorry.
I know you have broken the laws of nature to get back to me in ways no one will comprehend. In my dreams, in my friends, in things I do or say. You know I look for shades of you in all I meet, but you were Great, none is like you, none at all. I was a princess to you always, but you are my king too, now I tell you what I lack, what I need, and before I know it, you help me in mysterious ways. You have proven your presence to me in so many ways, and I know you will always be with me. I know you know all my heart’s desire, but I have learned things you know. Learned to make my way, learned to survive without dependence, learned to fall and get up myself. I have held onto your memories with both hands and trying to move ahead. Life has moved on like all told me it will, I don’t cry that much now, like all said I will, but you know, one thing they told wrong, that Time heals all wounds, IT DOES NOT! It is just that we learnt to adapt and evolved as per the situation. Now I firmly believe that what doesn’t kills you makes you stronger. I can’t say enough how much I miss you. But I know you know that I MISS YOU!
Sometimes I wish you were not that good; I might not have missed you so much, but you were so good, a great Father. Never you laid a hand on me, never you scolded me, and whenever you did, I would encash on the coaxing and cajoling that followed a few minutes later. Always you would say a Goodbye and then come back for another Goodbye, just to make sure nothing was left unsaid, but not this last time. You know you went without a Goodbye, and I am still waiting for it. I still hear your car come to a halt at the gate; I still hear your footfalls around the house. I still look into your briefcase to find scraps of your handwriting. I still got your pen and your ties and your shoes. I touch your shoes when I need your blessings, they still got the shape of your feet. Life is long, and there is still lots of time left in our reunion, but know that I carry you in my heart. Make this journey with me Papa; I so need you.Till then I will wait for the day I get to see you again. Promise me you will take me in your arms like you used to do when you were back from tours.
I Love You, Today, Tomorrow and Always, Forever and Ever
Streaming Forward, Powered By The Past - if you love the 80s music, new music, Eurovision, cheesy pop and awesome playlists then let's get this pop party started!
Underground Bases, Celebrity Cloning, Breakaway Civilizations, Zero-Point Field Technology, Soul/Consciousness Transfer, Immortality, Trauma-Based Mind-Control, Genetic Engineering, DNA Activation, Time Travel, Psychology and Consciousness, The Unveiling
The eyes I miss so much, so many tears I saw in them, that would well up at my slighted wound, be it to my body or heart. I wish to look into your eyes once again and kiss them; they are my two worlds. I miss your shoulders you know, on which I could rest my head and feel like all the pain washed away, in them I would hide from all the world and you would let none see me, harm me. I am still hallowed by your voice; that is still echoing in my voice, solemnly living in my soul. I miss the laughter in your voice and the way you scolded me in front of mum, just for the heck of it, My Goodness, so fake it used to be and made us conspirators against her. I so want to hear that voice once again papa; I so want to have that one more talk. I so want to hug you and hug you so bad.
Why am I drafting this letter, I don’t know, but what I do know is it will reach you, I want to say so many things Papa, I am so desperate for you sometimes, just that one phone call. You remember how many times you told me that Papa is just a phone call away, Oh why then I can’t reach you on your number. I still have it, I call it sometimes, and despite all my wisdom your little girl who lives in me says “Pick Up”, haha, wasn’t I always a little foolish Papa ? I still remember the day of that Earthquake, you remember I was scared, and you told me, that you would shield me but let no harm come to me, I so miss my shield. You know I eat the things you loved, even lot of green chillies, thinking that you live in me somewhere and I might feel satiated by doing all this. Why Papa, why is body temporary when we are taught to love it for years upon years.
I know you have broken the laws of nature to get back to me in ways no one will comprehend. In my dreams, in my friends, in things I do or say. You know I look for shades of you in all I meet, but you were Great, none is like you, none at all. I was a princess to you always, but you are my king too, now I tell you what I lack, what I need, and before I know it, you help me in mysterious ways. You have proven your presence to me in so many ways, and I know you will always be with me. I know you know all my heart’s desire, but I have learned things you know. Learned to make my way, learned to survive without dependence, learned to fall and get up myself. I have held onto your memories with both hands and trying to move ahead. Life has moved on like all told me it will, I don’t cry that much now, like all said I will, but you know, one thing they told wrong, that Time heals all wounds, IT DOES NOT! It is just that we learnt to adapt and evolved as per the situation. Now I firmly believe that what doesn’t kills you makes you stronger. I can’t say enough how much I miss you. But I know you know that I MISS YOU!
Quill & Parchment 