The loneliness of skies reflected in my heart
Walk into my life, surrender your life and make my music
Be my soulmate, make Love Eternal
Everything I loved was snatched away
They won it all; I lost it all
Lose your heart to me, Let me win this once
Let my song live forever on your Lips
Far away in Horizons, the evening turns to a shy bride
My dreams are lit by your thoughts
My heavy eyes are full of water
Each breath is a sigh, an Agony
Just then, someone stirs my Heart
Touched by you, Didn’t see You
I am still lost in the evening, Spent in your Embrace
You Promised “Never will be Apart, Never will be Two Hearts.”
You call me Infidel; I took all your Pain, I Pine for you now
Don’t be so intoxicated by Ick, Think of me, Think of me
I am a Fire, Stay away, Steer Clear
Don’t be swayed by Love; It is Insanity
The Flame burns her Lover, The Moths of Passion
The Flame warns her Lover, The Moths Never Heed
Flowers always bloom, some are to be Withered
You and Me were bound to Love; You won’t find me again
The Foilage of Autumn, Won’t Blossom in Spring
Once they are gone, those Dusks and Dawns, those Nights and Twilights
This is the lesson of Life, Love and Parting
I am the Poetess of the Moment
I am here; I will be gone too
Just like the Youth, Just like the Innocence
Today, a year has passed since my last birthday. Yes, you guessed it right, today on January 20th is my birthday. So today I want to tell something to my younger self from the year 2016, she needs a letter from me. Actually, I have two letters.
Life is an all time low. You are worried sick about mum’s health. You are missing papa badly. I know your pain, I went through it. I wouldn’t tell you that you stayed stationary while everyone else moved on. I won’t tell you that you worry too much. I won’t ask you to move on. I know how many times you already heard all this. I know you are much stronger and much improved since yourself from 2012, 20th January. I love you, it was a very tough journey you made. I have counted all your tears, and I know as you read this letter you won’t trust it’s from a future you. I sound too cheerful to believe. But this is the very purpose I am writing this letter. You need to know.
You need to know that life will get better as this year passes. You will have friends on next birthday, yes friends. Don’t look so disinterested, and don’t roll eyes, I know you are a real pessimist but you need to listen. By this time next year, you will have unconditional love, undying friendship, passion for writing, goal to achieve, resolution to fulfil, books to write, a blog to run, a name in writers community, a small space for yourself among legends and you will live happily. Don’t be so surprised my love, I am not like the astrologers papa consulted, who made so many promises but all in vain. Wipe those tears and let me hug you real tight. Let me kiss you endlessly.
The thing you need to know is that you will find everything you need. Not a penny less, not a penny more. That the magic you are waiting to happen, will happen, just you won’t see the magician with a wand in his hand. Papa will lead you to great things baby. He will guide you every step. Mum will be fine, she has nothing, no scary diseases. You will happy, she will be glad for you. And you will find a wizard who will weave all your dreams in a fabric and adorn you with it. You will find someone you have always wanted, to share ever pain with, to hear it all out, to give you a million smiles. He will be there to cherish you and value you. And there is some surprise there too. Just don’t look too hard, let your heart be your guide and never think twice. You will find people who will lead happiness to you. You don’t even need to try.
I know you are so weary and so tired of playing games, of making flowers from quilling, but just hang in there. I know you are thinking of birthdays that were celebrated with papa, but you and me, however we cry, Papa, can’t come in that same form. But know that he never left us either, he was with you, he is with me, he will be with us. Don’t let yourself go into that darkness, I know it’s beckoning you, I know it’s calling you. Just know that you do have a future. Stay. Be sane. Be safe. And I will always love you, you will have me, come what may. Happy Birthday to you !
PS: Stop hating doctors. And yes, mum is doing great to put all the cash in bank, trust her. 😋
My second letter
A letter to my older self, from 20th of January 2018
Hello, how are you ? Hope you are doing great. I am looking forward to meet you already. You know I am writing this you on your last birthday. How is mum ? Have you got made Chinese once again ? That would be a hat-trick. I know you love Chinese. How is your bronchitis and allergies ? RG must be a banker by now ? You met him ? Or has he given up on you ? Sri must be doing MD, what hospital he got into ? It must have been thrilling when he did it. I know how much you missed him. He is still around, right ? C.P. Must be still the same helpful and jovial godfather to you. Tell me he is better too, I do wanna hear that. Too many questions, but I am so thrilled and eager. You know me, bipolar, too happy or too sad. But I have improved. Hope you are even better.
So finished your first book? I think you planned some 32 to 35 chapters. You are too lazy, I hope it’s not eating dust somewhere. And what happened to epic, tell me? To Arjan and to Nakshatra and to Vidyut and Kaya? Don’t tell me, which ones dead? I loved them all, my characters. How is Shubhi doing? And Abhi? Are they with you right now? Give my love to them all. And Hey! Tell me about the blog, how is it going? You must have done wonders by now. How many followers you have? And how many posts you made? Last time I knew your agenda was once per day. But you are crazy enough to make it two or three. You were always stubborn and determined. And still quilling sometimes? What became of dance? I bet you haven’t changed One Plus Three, mum will kill you.
How are Ram and Noorie, stop beating him yaar. Are you happy? Don’t let me know you are sad. I know you are being nostalgic. I know you well girl. You hate separation, goodbye, parting. I know you are missing papa. Heard his voice recording today. Hope no termites showed up again. Munmun must still be eating Paneer daily. Chachi, Akanksha, Guddu, all fine na ? Any news if you becoming an aunt yet ? Hahahaha, inside joke I know. Don’t be angry yaar. You know me na. You remember 2016, good year it was, tell me how was 2017 ? Write all the answers in a letter and send it to me. Chacha must be retired now ? And Mama, still here or gone back home ? Remember what great Gajar Halwa he brought.
I love you, I wish you to be happier than I am. A tight hug and lots of kisses from me. Don’t cry, if things aren’t so good, don’t cry, it will be better again. Remember, what papa used to say, “life comes in a full circle”. I give you all my good wishes and all my hope and all my blessings and all my love. I want you to have everything. I want you to be love and be loved. I want you to be healthy, hail and hearty. I want you to be celebrating this birthday with all your friends, more than I have. I want you to have a great party. Just know that I love you already, just know papa hasn’t left you, just know mum loves you no less.
PS: I was planning to invest some money in share market, will it be good?
The light was green, the bus was moving and had crossed the Zebra crossing as he looked at her retreating back vanish when she took a left turn in the first lane, and he was aware that with a sense of doom. He gripped the handles of the door tightly, telling himself that he has no business with her, she was just a co-passenger. He turned to get back to his seat and was about to sit when he saw something flash under the seat she had occupied minutes ago.
It was glinting in the sunlight, curious, he bent and crawled a little picking it up. It was a solitaire diamond ring; he has never seen one that big in his whole life. “Must have cost her a fortune? He thought,”Maybe it was a gift from someone, maybe from the one in the picture she tore away”. Suddenly he felt his heart fill with an Enthusiasm and he did a turnaround, grabbed his laptop bag tightly around his neck and arm and ran for the door. The bus was still moving slow when he got down and ran in the direction she had gone. Without looking this or that side, he ran at full speed dodging into people on the kerb road, saying a quick sorry to each shoulder he bumped into, taking the first left and squinting its length when he came to a crossroads. It was leading to three roads except the one he came from. He stood there a little breathless looking here and there for a sign of her which would lead him to her, but no, she wasn’t seen around. He climbed the overhead bridge to scan the roads from a height when he saw her emerge from a shop right ahead. He shouted loudly waving the hand in which he held the ring “Hello, Hello MA’AM, HEY YOU FROM THE BUS”, she looked here and there and then saw him up there. There was indifference on her face that was replaced by shock and then anger as she turned and walked real fast in the opposite direction. He saw her give him a dodge and got down the overhead bridge and ran after her.
He didn’t know why he was so desperate to return her the ring, to talk to her, to know what trouble she was in when she apparently wanted him to leave her alone. He ran at full speed as she too increased her pace but caught with her and snatched her wrist. She was made to turn in a circle with the impact as he went for a spin himself and they both fell to the ground. He was thrown to left and she to the right. He sat up and took few deep breaths holding the stitch in his side as she looked at him with obvious anger from where she sat up. They both got up simultaneously as he saw her come up to him. Her eyes were blazing with anger; he felt weak to see the smouldering eyes bore into his. “Who the hell do you think you are? Loafer! Romeo!, good for nothing stalker. How dare you follow me? A girl is never safe in this city. I will take you to the police and get you arrested for stalking” She said with hateful anger in one go as he let her talk, but he felt his anger boil up and surface when he showed her the palm of his hand and kept a finger on his lips, signalling her to stop talking. His action made her stop talking in reflex as she was hyperventilating in anger and he grabbed her right hand, and placed her ring in her palm, closing it back in a fist and threw her hand back to her side. She was speechless as she opened her palm again and saw the single, round diamond sitting in her palm.
She stood there looking at the ring as her eyes teared up once again, but this time he did not let her see his heart melt and walked back to the way he came. There was so much he wanted to say, to ask, but his self-respect was second to none, and she has just insulted him real bad without any mistake. He was walking briskly and went back to the red light and slumped on a side railing, waiting for the next bus. He never realised, but he was seething with rage. Looking at his watch, he cursed himself for being the impulsive fool. Now he will reach home late and miss the match. He has been waiting for the India-Pakistan match for so long. He had betted good money in this game. This was the only flaw in him, he loved to bet some money on matches, though he knew it was not right, the thrill to watch the game increased manifolds if he knew his money was on it. He was an ardent cricket fan and never had better money anywhere else in his whole life. The last match he lost all the money, but today he was sure to win. He was lost in thought when he felt a hand on his shoulder.
He turned around to see who it was when he saw the same girl standing there. “You? Why are you back? I am a stalker and a Loafer and a Romeo Madam; please steer clear of me.” he spoke spitefully. She was quite as she held her head down and told a Sorry. It was hardly audible over the Delhi traffic, but he heard it loud and clear, the most heartfelt sorry it was which made him guilty instantaneously. He watched as two fat tear drop rolled down her face as she sniffed and wiped them off with a flimsy handkerchief. Looking up she gave him a weak smile and said “Thank you so much, I couldn’t afford to lose that ring; it was all I had to sell” her voice broke as she talked. “You saw me come out of that shop, I went to sell this ring only, but when I did not find it in my bag I was broken and that shopkeeper humiliated me as well. So when I came out and saw you, I was annoyed at the whole world. I knew I had lost it on the bus and had no hope to get it back. But thanks to you, you came back all that way to return it, and you missed your bus as well for me. And me, I am so ungrateful, I scolded you instead of thanking you” In one go she said it all and was resolved back into tears. He didn’t know what to say and how to react, “Do you always talk without breaks, not letting the other person speak ?” he said looking earnestly into her face and saw it broke into a warm smile as she wiped her tears, nodding her head in a no.
“Now that you have found your ring and I have missed my bus a second time, let us help each other. Would you like to share what is troubling you with me, maybe I can be of help ?” He said pointing to the bus that just passed the signal as she followed it. She looked at him as if sizing him up, deciding whether he is good enough to help her or share her problem with. An unsure look clouded the weak smile on her lips as she parted her lips and closed them back. He was quiet, he knew that this morning is not a typical morning, he knew some strange phenomenon had brought them together today, and he was waiting for the day to unfold itself as he looked at her keenly.
Nine sets of families sitting in the waiting lounges of nine different hospitals in nine different cities. All have palms joined, fingers crossed and eyes closed, praying hard. Praying hard and hoping for their loved one to wake up, to be healthy again, to be alive and kicking. But amongst those nine families, eight were hoping for the death of the ninth one. Unfortunately, the ninth family lost their loved one. He/she was declared brain dead. The family is devastated and begs the doctor to give them hope, a glimmer of hope that yes, there is a 0.001 percent hope of recovery, but they were disappointed. The ninth person passed away. And the prayer of the other eight was answered. I know it seems like a riddle, but it’s an actual incident.
Underground Bases, Celebrity Cloning, Breakaway Civilizations, Zero-Point Field Technology, Soul/Consciousness Transfer, Immortality, Trauma-Based Mind-Control, Genetic Engineering, DNA Activation, Time Travel, Psychology and Consciousness, The Unveiling