My Tangled Thoughts…

by Sakhi

Dear Reader,

Why does life happen ? Why are we here ? What is our purpose to be born ? Ae we here to live and then to die, is life so meaningful ? Or do people like Nelson Mandela and Dalai Lama is the only ones who have come to this Earth with a purpose. Sometimes life feels so meaningless, devoid of purpose and directionless.

I wanna try that very old mantra to try one new thing everyday, but I know there is a very high chance I might give up on it a week later, maybe a month or maybe a bit more, but how long can I go on doing that. Maybe family and friends give us some momentary happiness but I know there at times when I feel so lonely. In the middle of a crowd, I get so lonely, In the midst of people I find myself wandering into a nothingness with a faraway look in my eyes.

I don’t know what I am looking for, sometimes, Life feels like one big question mark. Full of WHY ? WHEN ? WHERE ? WHAT ? WHO ? ……Such a long journey life is with numbered days. Yet, at times it feels so short. Then all of a sudden it seems so infinite, a never ending journey. I know I sound confused, won’t lie, I am confused. What do I lack ? What is this clawing feeling in the inside of my head that tells me to break every rule and just to be a rebel ? What do I need ? Why the soul feels wanting to free itself from this body, like a bird fluttering and batting its wings in a cage.

NO, I am not in the depression, nor am I retrospective. I am just pondering on some of the big questions concerning our existence. I am an atheist. I wasn’t always. I was once a very strong believer. But I like being an atheist. It gives me the good amount of peace. That there is no one out there watching over me, looking out for me, keeping  an account, maintaining  a book of my good and my bad, my joys and my pains.

I have so many layers of different levels of consciousness in my mind, the conscious, the subconscious and the unconscious, the Ego, the Superego and the ID.
Poor dear SIGMUND FREUD, even he couldn’t unlock mind. This is just a random post with some random, tangled thoughts in my mind. I wanted to give them words, I wanted to try to seek them out, but I am nowhere near. But the day I have answers to even one of those questions, I will get back to you all.

Thanks for reading,

Sakhi