My Mother And Me Made A New Language.

Mother is not a word. Mother is the whole different language. She is the language understood only by her children. Only the mother and her kids are privy to this language, it exists for them, by them, between them. No third person can ever comprehend it. Though, like all languages, this too has some set rules and dynamics.

I will tell you a few things about a few things that are typical to all mother-kid duo.

  1. A mother is the one who understands us even before we are born and opened our eyes in this world. She took care of us for the nine months we were nothing but trouble to her. She suffered and went through so much pain to bring us forth. She is our first home.
  2. Even though she was going through hell, her heart ached for our first cry. She was already possessive of us. She was already telling the nurses and the doctors to handle us with care. Like she knew us from long back like we have shared a bond forever and we were always a part of her. She was the one our first words, saw us take our first steps. Each one an epic moment for her.
  3. Then comes endless sleepless nights for her on our account. But never once she complained, comprehended our cries, making out which one is for “I am hungry”, which one is “I am sleepy”, which one says “My belly hurts” and which one means “Change my nappy”.
  4. She catered to all our needs, running to us at the slightest of sounds, holding, coaxing, cajoling us back to a laughter and smiles. She stood for hours rocking us to sleep, singing lullaby’s to put us to peaceful while she drinks coffee’s to stay up.
  5. A couple of yrs in her lap and we are making her chase us from room to room. And….she….like always….runs after us with that content smile. Playing Peek-A-Boo when she soo wanted to watch that movie. All her social life ends, and we become her entire world. She revolves around us, like our very own satellite making us her focus.
  6. Each Mum showers her love through food. They make the dishes we love, with utmost care, tasting the dish she to make sure it is not too spicy for us. She even feeds us with her hands, blowing air on the spoonful to make it mild enough to be fed. At times she even eats our leftovers because she knows that food must not be wasted.
  7. She is our first school. Teaching us things way before time, so that we stay ahead of all others, She wants to see all admiring us, appreciating us. She intends to remain in the shadows and us to be the focus.
  8. Years keep rolling as we keep depending more and more on mother, for emotional support, as a shield in our battles, as our absolution when we do wrong, as our faith when we want to confess, as our punching bag when we need to vent and even as our savings account in need of money. She plays each role with a content smile on her lips. The more we need for her, the happier she is. She takes pride in being our need.
  9. She wakes up before us and sleeps after us in our school life. Sometimes she even fights our bullies for us. Remember that time when she did your homework for you? When she got scolded by your teacher and your dad for your insubordination and pranks? The countless times she sat by your bed till your fever went down. When she cried to see your bruised knee and nearly fainted when you got stitches? When she was more nervous than you on your exams. ?
  10. When we go to college, she saw her dreams in our eyes. She fought dad to let us pursue what we wanted. She emptied her savings to pay for that coaching we needed. She was happiest when we brought friends home. She blushed when we were in love. We never told her, but she knew. She always knew what’s in our heart and who is in our heart.
  11. She blessed us on the first day of your job, telling us that soon you would touch heights no one ever achieved. On the day of our wedding, she was the one who was running an errand for days upon days. She was the one who took care that everything was perfect and she struggled to make it memorable for us. And then, she watched us from behind the curtains as we move on with our lives, having kids of our own, praying for our well being when we moved out of her home. Still,. Her love is just the same each time we see her. She eagerly awaits our next visit.

Now, is the time when she is old. Her body is not that strong, her steps aren’t that stable and her eyes aren’t that sharp. She has to strain of her daily work, hearing isn’t that clear, speech is a bit slurred. NOW, is the time to use that language we invented years ago again into use. But this time, we need to switch roles with her. This time we need to understand her unspoken words. We need to wipe her mouth after each bite, we need to hold her hand as she takes her last steps just like she did with our first, we need to read the newspaper to her, and we need to take her out with us. We must learn to accept her in her fading years and never feel ashamed of her clumsiness. Now, is the time we must be patient and understanding. Now is the time when we must realise that “Mum needs her tea”, “Ma wants to take rest”, “Ammi’s medicines needs restocking, “Aai must be taken to the Doctor”, “Amma needs Money”, “Mother want me to sit by her till she falls asleep”. Try to do just a fraction of what she did unto you. It will be more than enough for her, her blessing will protect you from all evil in life. Making a mother’s heart is no less than a criminal offence, just without any punishment to it.

Remember, Mother is a piece of Heaven. None, after her, will love you better.”

(The Featured Image is sketched by my brother Manoranjan Gopal Priya.)

Letters To Sakhi…On Her Birthday….

Today, a year has passed since my last birthday. Yes, you guessed it right, today on January 20th is my birthday. So today I want to tell something to my younger self from the year 2016, she needs a letter from me. Actually, I have two letters.
Dear Sakhi,
Life is an all time low. You are worried sick about mum’s health. You are missing papa badly. I know your pain, I went through it. I wouldn’t tell you that you stayed stationary while everyone else moved on. I won’t tell you that you worry too much. I won’t ask you to move on. I know how many times you already heard all this. I know you are much stronger and much improved since yourself from 2012, 20th January. I love you, it was a very tough journey you made. I have counted all your tears, and I know as you read this letter you won’t trust it’s from a future you. I sound too cheerful to believe. But this is the very purpose I am writing this letter. You need to know.
You need to know that life will get better as this year passes. You will have friends on next birthday, yes friends. Don’t look so disinterested, and don’t roll eyes, I know you are a real pessimist but you need to listen. By this time next year, you will have unconditional love, undying friendship, passion for writing, goal to achieve, resolution to fulfil, books to write, a blog to run, a name in writers community, a small space for yourself among legends and you will live happily. Don’t be so surprised my love, I am not like the astrologers papa consulted, who made so many promises but all in vain. Wipe those tears and let me hug you real tight. Let me kiss you endlessly.
The thing you need to know is that you will find everything you need. Not a penny less, not a penny more. That the magic you are waiting to happen, will happen, just you won’t see the magician with a wand in his hand. Papa will lead you to great things baby. He will guide you every step. Mum will be fine, she has nothing, no scary diseases. You will happy, she will be glad for you. And you will find a wizard who will weave all your dreams in a fabric and adorn you with it. You will find someone you have always wanted, to share ever pain with, to hear it all out, to give you a million smiles. He will be there to cherish you and value you. And there is some surprise there too. Just don’t look too hard, let your heart be your guide and never think twice. You will find people who will lead happiness to you. You don’t even need to try.
I know you are so weary and so tired of playing games, of making flowers from quilling, but just hang in there. I know you are thinking of birthdays that were celebrated with papa, but you and me, however we cry, Papa, can’t come in that same form. But know that he never left us either, he was with you, he is with me, he will be with us. Don’t let yourself go into that darkness, I know it’s beckoning you, I know it’s calling you. Just know that you do have a future. Stay. Be sane. Be safe. And I will always love you, you will have me, come what may. Happy Birthday to you !
With love,
PS: Stop hating doctors. And yes, mum is doing great to put all the cash in bank, trust her. 😋
My second letter
A letter to my older self, from 20th of January 2018
Dear Sakhi,
Hello, how are you ? Hope you are doing great. I am looking forward to meet you already. You know I am writing this you on your last birthday. How is mum ? Have you got made Chinese once again ? That would be a hat-trick. I know you love Chinese. How is your bronchitis and allergies ? RG must be a banker by now ? You met him ? Or has he given up on you ? Sri must be doing MD, what hospital he got into ? It must have been thrilling when he did it. I know how much you missed him. He is still around, right ? C.P. Must be still the same helpful and jovial godfather to you. Tell me he is better too, I do wanna hear that. Too many questions, but I am so thrilled and eager. You know me, bipolar, too happy or too sad. But I have improved. Hope you are even better.
So finished your first book? I think you planned some 32 to 35 chapters. You are too lazy, I hope it’s not eating dust somewhere. And what happened to epic, tell me? To Arjan and to Nakshatra and to Vidyut and Kaya? Don’t tell me, which ones dead? I loved them all, my characters. How is Shubhi doing? And Abhi? Are they with you right now? Give my love to them all. And Hey! Tell me about the blog, how is it going? You must have done wonders by now. How many followers you have? And how many posts you made? Last time I knew your agenda was once per day. But you are crazy enough to make it two or three. You were always stubborn and determined. And still quilling sometimes? What became of dance? I bet you haven’t changed One Plus Three, mum will kill you.
How are Ram and Noorie, stop beating him yaar. Are you happy? Don’t let me know you are sad. I know you are being nostalgic. I know you well girl. You hate separation, goodbye, parting. I know you are missing papa. Heard his voice recording today. Hope no termites showed up again. Munmun must still be eating Paneer daily. Chachi, Akanksha, Guddu, all fine na ? Any news if you becoming an aunt yet ? Hahahaha, inside joke I know. Don’t be angry yaar. You know me na. You remember 2016, good year it was, tell me how was 2017 ? Write all the answers in a letter and send it to me. Chacha must be retired now ? And Mama, still here or gone back home ? Remember what great Gajar Halwa he brought.
I love you, I wish you to be happier than I am. A tight hug and lots of kisses from me. Don’t cry, if things aren’t so good, don’t cry, it will be better again. Remember, what papa used to say, “life comes in a full circle”. I give you all my good wishes and all my hope and all my blessings and all my love. I want you to have everything. I want you to be love and be loved. I want you to be healthy, hail and hearty. I want you to be celebrating this birthday with all your friends, more than I have. I want you to have a great party. Just know that I love you already, just know papa hasn’t left you, just know mum loves you no less.
With love
PS: I was planning to invest some money in share market, will it be good?


Exit, Freedom !

by Sakhi

I am Free! Come, see, I am Free

Free from Pain, Broke those Chains

Static has Enveloped me on all Sides

Who  will come to My Rescue, Hears my Pleas

What hard Times have Befallen, Time stands Still

Can’t go on from this point, Can’t look into Abyss

I have a condition, The Promise of Fidelity

My age is Weary, Been on the run without Respite

Evening stands Still at this Turn for a Lifetime

The Blood of my Heart is Adulterated too

This is the Price of Love, the Price of Honour

Left Empty-Handed, I am in Void but Alas

I am Suffering your wound, Bearing your Stitches

Lonely in Misery, Solitude is Unendurable

Estrangement is my Strength now

No Roadblocks Stop me, the door is Ajar

I will walk Afar, I will make my Journey

Gift Of Life !

Featured Image -- 4214
by Sakhi

Nine sets of families sitting in the waiting lounges of nine different hospitals in nine different cities. All have palms joined, fingers crossed and eyes closed, praying hard. Praying hard and hoping for their loved one to wake up, to be healthy again, to be alive and kicking. But amongst those nine families, eight were hoping for the death of the ninth one. Unfortunately, the ninth family lost their loved one. He/she was declared brain dead. The family is devastated and begs the doctor to give them hope, a glimmer of hope that yes, there is a 0.001 percent hope of recovery, but they were disappointed. The ninth person passed away. And the prayer of the other eight was answered. I know it seems like a riddle, but it’s an actual incident.

This is an excerpt, read complete here….

What is your driving force behind blogging?

First of all I want to thank Quillnparchment for the opportunity and the idea of the topic of this post. I think the topic is very interesting and important and I am very glad that I was given the opportunity to share my thoughts around this topic on Quillnparchment’s blog.

Blogging.. Why do we blog actually?  I think there are many answers to that question because the motivation behind can differ according to interests and so on. Motivation brings topics to the blog which is driving our willingness to write. There are so many good blogs out there where you can see people really passionate about what they are doing which I truly love. The motivation and idea behind this post came from Quillnparchment who asked me to write about things such as the driving force behind blogging.

Blogging for a cause. Do you have to blog for a cause or is it enough to write just for writing. A huge motivation factor behind blogging among many people are money and likes. If the reason behind your blog is one of these things I doubt very strongly that you will succeed. I am sorry if I am disappointing some of the readers by claiming this but I think it is the harsh reality. Your blog has to Continue reading “What is your driving force behind blogging?”



Featured Image -- 2959
by Sakhi

One day a person came to fix motor (to fetch water), he observed him keenly and learned his art, next were the men to service AC, he wouldn’t budge from that place and saw everything like he was at some workshop to learn it. Our house was renovated soon, and those were best times for him as he picked up every art from them, plumbing, carpentry, electrical work. And let me confess since then we have never called anyone to repair anything, he became the SRK of My Name Is Khan, “repair almost everything”.


Candles Online

When I decided to write on Gratitude, I took some good time in deciding who will be the sole beneficiary of my Thank You. Then I thought who is the one person that has been giving me all through my life without expecting a thank you; the answer was my domestic help, Narayan.

Now to capture Noorie (I gave him this name out of affection as he often complains that he became almost a women doing womanly chores for my mother and me) in words is like trying to collect all the sea water in a Coca-Cola bottle. He is a panorama of talent. Let me start from the beginning. He came to us when he was merely 10. Yes, it was child labour. He was desperate to find work and let me confess, that some 20 yrs ago people weren’t so aware of the sins of child labour. But…

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My Tangled Thoughts…

by Sakhi

Dear Reader,

Why does life happen ? Why are we here ? What is our purpose to be born ? Ae we here to live and then to die, is life so meaningful ? Or do people like Nelson Mandela and Dalai Lama is the only ones who have come to this Earth with a purpose. Sometimes life feels so meaningless, devoid of purpose and directionless.

I wanna try that very old mantra to try one new thing everyday, but I know there is a very high chance I might give up on it a week later, maybe a month or maybe a bit more, but how long can I go on doing that. Maybe family and friends give us some momentary happiness but I know there at times when I feel so lonely. In the middle of a crowd, I get so lonely, In the midst of people I find myself wandering into a nothingness with a faraway look in my eyes.

I don’t know what I am looking for, sometimes, Life feels like one big question mark. Full of WHY ? WHEN ? WHERE ? WHAT ? WHO ? ……Such a long journey life is with numbered days. Yet, at times it feels so short. Then all of a sudden it seems so infinite, a never ending journey. I know I sound confused, won’t lie, I am confused. What do I lack ? What is this clawing feeling in the inside of my head that tells me to break every rule and just to be a rebel ? What do I need ? Why the soul feels wanting to free itself from this body, like a bird fluttering and batting its wings in a cage.

NO, I am not in the depression, nor am I retrospective. I am just pondering on some of the big questions concerning our existence. I am an atheist. I wasn’t always. I was once a very strong believer. But I like being an atheist. It gives me the good amount of peace. That there is no one out there watching over me, looking out for me, keeping  an account, maintaining  a book of my good and my bad, my joys and my pains.

I have so many layers of different levels of consciousness in my mind, the conscious, the subconscious and the unconscious, the Ego, the Superego and the ID.
Poor dear SIGMUND FREUD, even he couldn’t unlock mind. This is just a random post with some random, tangled thoughts in my mind. I wanted to give them words, I wanted to try to seek them out, but I am nowhere near. But the day I have answers to even one of those questions, I will get back to you all.

Thanks for reading,